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| Goldeneye 007 N64 multiplayer was where the fun was. |
I don’t miss “the good old days.”
But I do miss the chaos.
I miss four-player split-screen GoldenEye on a tiny-ass TV with garbage resolution and zero dignity.
I miss being 12, sitting way too close to the screen with three friends, arguing over who gets to be Oddjob (and then yelling at them when they inevitably pick him anyway).
No online lobbies.
No patches.
No DLC.
Just you, your buddies, and a cartridge that barely held together with chewed plastic and hope.
No Headsets. Just Shouting in the Same Room
We didn’t need Discord or party chat.
We had elbows in ribs, couch trash talk, and screaming when someone screen-watched, which we all did, by the way.
You couldn’t mute your friends.
You had to out-play them.
You couldn’t rage quit.
You had to sit there and get roasted until the next round.
It was fun in a way modern multiplayer just isn’t.
No Progression System. Just Bragging Rights
No XP. No unlock trees. No cosmetic bundles.
You didn’t grind for a gold gun skin. You picked up the goddamn Golden Gun and became death incarnate for exactly 90 seconds until someone shot you in the back.
Every match was chaos.
And you couldn’t blame lag. You couldn’t blame your loadout.
You either dominated, or got clowned.
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| Natalya and Bond in Goldeneye N64 |
Local Multiplayer Was Real Multiplayer
These days, “multiplayer” means faceless randos with usernames like xX420BluntKillXx.
Back then, it meant your best friend camping with proximity mines, your cousin trying to stab everyone with slaps only, and your little brother unplugging your controller mid-match because he was losing.
It was unfair. It was ridiculous.
And it was perfect.
Half the guns sucked.
The hit detection was a suggestion at best.
And it didn’t matter. Because we weren’t there for realism or meta loadouts.
We were there to laugh until our stomachs hurt and throw the controller when someone killed us from behind a crate.
GoldenEye wasn’t just a game. It was a time.
When controllers had cords and snacks ruined them.
When pausing the game meant everyone had to pause.
When sleepovers ended at 3AM because someone refused to stop playing “just one more match.”
Now we’re older. We’ve got jobs, bills, burnout.
Multiplayer means matchmaking at midnight hoping your teammates have basic brain function.
And yeah, games are prettier now. They run smoother.
But they’re not always better.
GoldenEye was janky, unbalanced, and borderline unplayable by modern standards.
But it was ours.
And damn it, I miss that.
And I am sure you do, too.
Mindful Gaming: Playing Games at Your Own Pace
Nintendo Switch 2 Lite with OLED, Pls?
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